Should Have. Could Have. Might Have.
Recently I got back to spin class after a three-week hiatus.
I had a few good reasons: my chronic back pain acted up again. And then there was the COVID re-masking at the gym. But I confess that at times, I simply just didn’t feel like going.
Can you relate?
Then, in mid-spin, I had an epiphany: “I NEED to be doing this more!” It was that familiar tough love, high achiever voice that has been pushing me so hard all my life.
In that moment, I realized that I’ve done a good job of reigning that voice in for my professional life, but I haven’t always been as aware to do the same in other areas of my life.
I had become very good at responding to that voice and letting it know that I am doing everything I want and love to do. I choose my relaxation time and balance things instead of constantly working, thinking about work, and doing more.
Isn’t it funny that once I told that voice to relax in the professional world, it found another reason and area to speak up and tell me I NEED to exercise more, I NEED to eat better, I SHOULD eat less, I SHOULDN’T need rest right now!
Perhaps if I hadn’t had a client session earlier that day – when I had just given her the same advice about work that has helped me- I may not have paid attention to the fact that the voice decided to speak loudly to me while I was in spin class!
Wanting verses Needing: What’s the Difference?
We tell ourselves we NEED to do something, we MUST, SHOULD, or HAVE to.
We’ve all been there.
It is dreadful, and forced. It’s kicking and screaming all the way there.
Nobody likes to be told we HAVE to do something. It doesn’t feel very good and isn’t all that productive when we have conversations like that with other people, so why do we think it’s ok to do that with and to ourselves?
That’s our brain trying to do what it’s always done. It really believes that it is working in our best interests, keeping us safe and alive.
However, when it comes time to doing what our brains tell us, we are resistant and reluctant. It feels painful and awful. We don’t want to do it – and many times we just don’t do it.
But then, when we don’t do it, we feel like crap! We become even harder on ourselves about all the things we aren’t doing well enough, and the cycle just continues, usually even worse than before.
Truth is, that we don’t NEED to do anything. At all. EVER.
If we make the choice to do it, we choose it and all that comes with it. If we make the choice NOT to do it, we just don’t, and all that comes from that choice.
When we remind ourselves that we can choose, it changes everything.
We can choose because we WANT to. I don’t need to record a podcast, I want to record a podcast because I want to bring value to others’ lives. I’ve made a commitment to myself that at the end of the year I want to see a year’s worth of podcasts and know that my experiences, successes, and failures may help others in their journey.
Whether I choose to attend spin class or complete my podcast, I want to do it and be proud of myself for living up to the commitment I made to myself. It feels a lot better than beating myself up for not doing it!
Do you Want to or Do you Have to?
Do you want to…
- tackle the project you’ve been procrastinating?
- delegate tasks so you can be the visionary of your company?
- make the tough decisions for what it means on the other side?
DON’T DO THESE THINGS BECAUSE:
- you’ve been telling yourself you HAVE TO or because others are pressuring you to do so
- you think that making yourself feel bad or beating yourself up for it will make you more likely to do it
Nobody can MAKE you do anything – and that includes your tough love self! If you force yourself to do it, you will be creating resistance to it all the way – and probably won’t do it very well.
Make the CHOICE to do it because:
- you want it, because the value of what’s on the other side of it is what you really want. Even if you don’t necessarily like the actual activity that much, you will value doing it and doing it well because you’re all in.
- you show up ready, willing, and fully inspired and motivated. When you do that, you have a chance of it being enjoyable, worthwhile, and interesting.
You already have everything that you NEED. You don’t need anything else in your life.
Once you have everything you need to survive, everything else is truly a choice, truly a WANT.
Once you prove to yourself that you can choose anything you want, you can continue adding to the list of wants and choose whatever you like.
Choose Because You Want To
We choose because we want to.
Anything other than that is just a lie we tell ourselves, a lie that:
- holds us back in life
- keeps us inside our comfort zone so we don’t push ourselves
- we think keeps us from something painful to us, like being embarrassed, humiliated or wrong about ourselves
- our brain tells us to keep from feeling any of those things
- our brain thinks it has succeeded and done its job for us. That’s a lie too.
Growing ourselves in any way means feeling painful things, among other feelings we’d often rather not experience.
Growth means getting outside of our comfort zone.
These uncomfortable feelings don’t hurt us. They are what push us and make us learn to become stronger.
If you’ve been helped by reading this, you probably know someone else who could benefit from hearing this message today – so pass it along!
Check us out at Strive Coaching Studio– we have so many resources and great things going on right now!
Exciting Announcements Coming Soon…
Stay connected with us…we’ll be announcing some dynamic new workshops and other exciting offerings!
Here’s just a sneak peek: on 10/13, we will be offering a $17 Goals Workshop to give you an easy 5-Step Process to achieve your 30-Day goal! Other big announcements will be forthcoming in October, revealing some big changes and exciting things starting in November…
Stay tuned so you can be the first to hear all that we have planned here at Strive Coaching Studio!